If you are going to draft a parenting plan, you can choose to draft a parenting plan on main points or a comprehensive parenting plan. If the relations and communication between you and your future ex-partner have deteriorated, it is good to record as many issues as possible. This will prevent unrest, hassle and conflict in the future. Are relations still good? Then a parenting plan containing the main points will suffice.
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Mandatory components of parenting plan
A parenting plan always has a number of mandatory components. For example, in the parenting plan you must at least include agreements about:
- How you divide the care and upbringing (care arrangement) or arrange access to the children (visitation arrangement)
- How and how often you inform each other about your children
- When and how you consult each other about important issues, such as a school choice, move or medical treatment
- the cost of caring for and raising the children(child support)
You must also reflect in the parenting plan how you involved the children in its creation.
In addition to these mandatory components, you can also choose to include even more agreements in the parenting plan. For example, you can also make agreements about vacations, holidays and birthdays, parenting rules (such as bedtimes or homework), contact with both families, and drop-off and pick-up times.
Consider the wishes of the children
The law requires you to involve your children in the parenting plan. Therefore, it is good to show your children that you are listening to them and really taking their wishes into account. But make sure that you and your ex-partner make the decision together. This will prevent your children from getting the idea that they have to choose between their parents.
Do it together
Never discuss the parenting plan alone, but do so together with your ex-partner. That way, you show that even after the decision to separate has been made, you can still do things together. You may no longer be together, but you are still parents together.
Also, conduct the conversations in a way that is appropriate to the children’s age, experience and development. You can find several tips and suggestions for this on the Justice website, broken down by age group.
Keep the parenting plan up to date
Children are constantly growing and developing. So their preferences, wants and needs can change, as can your own situation. It is important that the parenting plan is always up to date and appropriate to your actual situation. Therefore, it is a good idea to meet with your ex-partner from time to time to see how things are going and also to ask your children how they think things are going. This is also the time to adjust agreements (don’t forget to sign for them). You can sit down for this every year, for example.
Are you not getting along together?
Are you unable to come to an agreement together? That can happen. If you are separating you are going through a difficult and emotional period, in which you have a lot to decide and arrange. It can sometimes be difficult to oversee matters. It is not for nothing that you and your future ex-partner think fundamentally different about certain matters. This does not mean that you will immediately end up in a conflict or fighting divorce. Sometimes it can help to spar with a specialist or to ask a mediator to guide you. Often it is possible to find a solution in harmony.
So please feel free to contact us. Our lawyers and mediators have more than 15 years of experience in divorce and shaping parenting plans, not only in Dutch family law, but also in international divorces.
