Four-way meeting for divorce

When is a four-way meeting suitable?

A four-way meeting is often suitable when there is room for consultation, but also a need for legal certainty.
Many clients choose this path when:

• there is already some level of trust or possibility for communication between the parties;
• the situation is too complex for mediation (e.g., business interests, pensions, international elements);
• both parties wish to retain their own lawyer;
• they want to prevent the divorce from being handled entirely through the court.

In practice, a four-way meeting is often used after an initial exploration: if mediation feels too non-binding, but litigation is premature.

How does a four-way meeting proceed?

A four-way meeting usually consists of four phases:

1. Preparation

Both lawyers discuss the points of attention with their clients: finances, the home, children, and communication. An agenda is drawn up and a neutral location is chosen.

2. Joint consultation

During the meeting, both parties are given space to share their positions. The lawyers ensure that everyone’s interests remain legally well-articulated. Work is done on partial agreements — for example, regarding the division of care or the division of assets.

3. Report and follow-up steps

After the meeting, the lawyers prepare a short report or draft agreements. If there is sufficient consensus, a draft settlement agreement or parenting plan follows.

4. Completion or follow-up procedure

If the parties reach full agreement, the settlement agreement is submitted to the court.
If not everything is resolved, a court procedure can still follow, incorporating the agreements already reached.

Advantages and disadvantages of a four-way meeting

Advantages:

• Retention of one’s own lawyer and representation of interests.
• Less procedural tension than in a lawsuit.
• Possibility to immediately record agreements legally.
• Faster clarity in complex cases.

Points for consideration:

• Not suitable in cases of severely disrupted communication.
• Requires a willingness to consult from both parties.
• Costs may be higher than with a single joint lawyer, but lower than with lengthy court procedures.

Case studies from the Simmelink practice

Case 1 – Business and care arrangements

In a case where both partners had a joint business, mediation proved to be too non-binding. During a four-way meeting, under the guidance of two lawyers, it was agreed that one partner would continue the business while the other was partly bought out via a clear payment arrangement. At the same time, a balanced care arrangement for the children was agreed upon in the same consultation. The agreements made formed the basis for the settlement agreement that was later submitted to the court.

Case 2 – Restoring communication in an international relationship

In another case involving a Dutch-French family situation, a four-way meeting proved to be the key to restoring communication. The lawyers supervised the application of Dutch law and the division of care across two countries. Due to the structured approach, agreements regarding holidays, choice of school, and travel arrangements could be recorded without the need for litigation.

These examples demonstrate how a four-way meeting can contribute to peace and clarity in situations where both legal precision and a human touch are required.